Instant Gratification

This weekend I learned something about myself. It's only taken me 29 years - but the realization hit me smack in the dome.

I am a person who craves, and almost needs instant gratification in life.

I haven't decided if it's a good or a bad thing yet, but patience is definitely not my strong suit.

As the light bulb went off in the car, Brian looked at me like I was nuts and said "uhhh....yeah! You're just now figuring this out?"  Oops.

Exhibit A:

We are in the middle of selling our house.  It's taking for-ev-er (Sandlot style).  Really, it's only been 4 months so far, and we put it on the market in the slow season hoping for the best.  So I guess it's a short version of forever.

Each and every time we get a call that someone wants to see it, my heart skips a few little beats and I think to myself: this is it!  They'll love our house like we do and we'll have an offer tomorrow!  Then tomorrow comes and zip, zilch, nada.

It's driving me freaking insane.

This weekend Brian wanted to go see a house that we looked at before, but was now bragging new carpets and fresh paint. As he was on the phone with our realtor he said "oh yeah, here's the addresses of a few more we want to see too."

Ahem - "we?".  I don't want to see ANY houses, let alone one we've already seen and liked the first time around.  Why?  It's frustrating as fuck.  We aren't made of money - so we can't qualify for a second loan until our current house sells. We can't even rent our current house out because we'd have to ask for less in rent than the mortgage already is and pay the difference.  Not an option.

So why in the hell would I want to start house hunting now? What happens when we find a house that I absolutely fall in love with and we can't do jack shit?! Then it sells while we're still waiting for our house to sell and we're back and square one with me being pissy and bummed out that we're stuck again.

I want our house to sell NOW.  I want to find a new house that we'll fall in love with and get NOW. This waiting crap is for the BIRDS.

Exhibit B

This wedding.  It's simple things that have made me realize that I need this instant gratification - this is just the latest one. I haven't purchased my jewelry, shoes, or some under things yet.  But I have collected most of my bridesmaids shoes from them so that I can drop them off to be dyed.

Two of my girls wear the same size as me, so I thought well I'll just try theirs on and order mine based on that.  Then, I forgot to try them on.

As I sat at work the other day I felt this weird desperate need to buy my shoes. As in I would be fully screwed if I didn't sit down and order them RIGHT THIS INSTANT!

So I hopped online, pulled up the 2 pairs I wanted and was prepared to put each one in 2 different sizes in my cart!  "I'll just return the ones that don't look good", I thought to myself.

Are you kidding me?  You can't return those suckers to the store so I'd be paying double shipping to send them back!

I somehow calmed my shoe anxiety and quickly closed the website and moved along with my day.

All of this has got me thinking - perhaps this is why I've failed at my weight loss so many times in the past few years.  I go for a few weeks at a time where the scale either doesn't move, or microscopically moves up or down and BOOM.  My frustration seeps in because I don't instantly see results.

I think - eh, oh well.  My body just doesn't want to lose the weight so it really doesn't matter what happens now.  Then I eat my body weight in pizza and cheese toast from Dion's.

Not the way to be successful!

But, doesn't the old saying go something like you can't fix it unless you know what's broken?  Maybe I just made that up? Oh well, it sounds legit.

So now - new focus.  Starting small with this weight loss stuff.  Stay on track - realize that the weight didn't come on overnight so it's not going to fall off overnight and just DEAL WITH IT!!!!

Turtle Pace, Superbowl, and All Things Random

It is NO. JOKE. that metabolism slows down with age.  When I first dropped the 25ish pounds a few years ago, I was 26 and it felt like the weight flew off.  I'm only 29 now, but I can definitely tell/feel the change in my body.  In January I lost a total of 7.2 pounds, and while I know that's a lot - it was still semi-frustrating to me that the pace has slowed down so much.

Before, I would be charting 2 and 3 lb losses each week.

Now, I'm lucky if I get over a pound.

I keep reminding myself that the fact that the number is lower is all that matters.  I'm thankful that it's changing at all!

My family is noticing the change too, which helps keep my head in the game.  Brian makes comments about how my pants are fitting a bit more loosely which I love.

My engagement ring is becoming a bit looser on my finger as well.  It's the small things, people!

I put myself to the test on Superbowl Sunday and I failed miserably. Jenny and Jeff (future SIL and BIL) decided to start P90X again the following day so they wanted to go down in flames.

Mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers, taquitos, 7 layer dip, chips, meatballs in green chile sauce, pot stickers, chocolate eclairs for dessert.

Oy.

I made my own cheese sticks with low fat string cheese and egg roll wrappers and although I did eat a few of those instead of the other choice - that didn't stop me from literally shoveling all the rest of the junk food into my pie hole.

No joke, it was like someone took over my body and just kept on a'shoveling. I had no willpower what so ever.

And although it was massively disappointing and I totally let myself down, I did what I did and had to get back to it.

So Monday found me counting my calories again, and my booty was on the treadmill at the gym doing my C25K.

I've already admitted to the fact that I'm a religious scale hopper.  I didn't weight myself on Monday because I knew I'd get discouraged and say "oh well!" But I did weigh myself yesterday and guess what? I had LOST WEIGHT!

Further proof to myself that if I "just keep swimming" I'll be ok in the end.

I also bit the bullet and called to schedule an alterations appointment for my wedding dress.  Right now it fits me pretty well, but that's not what I want .... I want to take that sucker in!

So knowing that there is a set date in my head where I will be fitted helps me a little bit too.  I've already told my MIL that I'll try on the dress the next time I'm at her house for dinner, which will be not this Sunday but next.  Here's to hoping it's a teensy tiny bit looser! =)))))

In other random news, Brian and I are going to get our wedding registry done tonight.  I am SO EXCITED for this part!  Hopefully our house will sell before the wedding, and we'll be able to "start fresh" with lots of new goodies for the new place!

And I also think that it's finally HIT me that the wedding is just a little over 3 months away now.  YIKES!

114 Days until I'm a Mrs.!!!!!!!

Wedding World 2013

That's what I'm calling this mess.  Ok, it's not a mess - but it's makin me a little nuts.  Bride Brain has officially kicked in and sometimes thinking about what still has to be done can be super overwhelming.

This weekend I finally ordered our guest book and our serving set.  Then I had a teeny tiny meltdown when I realized that I had spent 100 bones on 2 dinky items.  Why the crap are weddings so expensive?  I had my second teeny tiny meltdown when I realized that I had forgotten to order the flower girl basket.  So now I'm going to hope that David's Bridal has one in our color because I will sit  down on the floor and throw a fit if I have to spend an extra 10 bucks on shipping! Yuck.

I have to take a minute to be grateful for my future mother in law, Carmen.  She used to be a wedding planner of sorts, so she's really helped me to take this on.  My Mom got married in a court house, my Grandma thinks spending 10 dollars on something is too much, and the 2 aunts that could really help me live out of state.  So Brian's mom has really been a big help to me!

Enter: The Rehearsal Dinner (Cue: dramatic lowering of the lights and dun dun duuunnnnnnn music).

This part of the planning was stressing me out to the max.  Carmen and Erv (FIL) offered to pay for it because it's part of he groom's parents responsibilities, but also because the truly wanted to.  So about a month ago I started looking up some restaurants to see what was out there.  I live in a bigger city, but we don't have a lot of options when it comes to this stuff.  And I was pretty shocked and intimidated when I saw the price tags attached to renting a room and having a simple buffet!

So I did what any girl would do.  I ignored it.  I would tell Carmen "Oh yeah I've been looking but haven't decided yet" every time she talked about it.

Well, she caught onto me and (thankfully) went behind my back and did it all for me!  Can I get a WOOP WOOP!

This might piss some brides off .... but noooottttt me.  

See, we already have a large wedding party.  And being that it'll be a Catholic ceremony, we needed ushers, readers, people to carry the gifts, etc.  And we also have a few family members helping out with things like the music, etc.  So when I wrote out a list of people and their guests, our list was well over 50 people for just a rehearsal dinner!  So looking at the menu prices for some of these places just gave me a knot in my stomach.  How would we ask them to pay that? Wouldn't it be easier just to grill some burgers and dogs in someones backyard?  Come on people! You're killin me!

But, it didn't kill Carmen and she called around until she settled on El Pinto - a great little Mexican restaurant with a great environment.  It's one I had looked at before .... but my jaw dropped when I saw that one of the cheaper buffet options was THIRTY DOLLARS A PERSON!  Yeah, you can do the math on that one. 

When she called to tell me she had made the reservation, that stupid little knot came right back.  I called Brian to talk to him about it because I felt so bad that they'd be spending that much money on us!!  He felt bad too, so he talked with his parents and they assured us to the moon and back that this was what they wanted to do, and that they were happy to do it for us.  

Can we say amazing?  I am SO grateful for this!!!! Not only have they helped us out in so many other aspects of this wedding, but this just makes me appreciate them so so much (not like I already didn't, but you know!).  She totally saved me from Bridezilla-ing out! 

Not to mention, I'm also thankful that she isn't a mother-in-law-zilla (totally made that up) and that she plans things like this that I actually like!  Another point for Carmen!

Man, weddings are HARD!

Dress Time

Growing up I would always think and dream about my wedding, but those dreams were always pretty hazy.  I didn't have a clue what my "perfect" dress would be, nor what I would want my girls to wear.  So when it came down to planning and picking things out I felt a little overwhelmed.  All the other details were pretty easy to come by - but I had my first mini meltdown when it came to picking out what my girls would wear.

Picking my colors was pretty simple.  I love pink, but a good friend had just gotten married and her wedding was pink and while it was absolutely gorgeous, it made me see that pink wasn't for me.  So after talking with Brian I decided to do red and black, with some silver accents. That gave me the start that I needed to get things going for the girls and myself.

To backtrack ... my Godmother offered to purchase my dress for me.  She lives out of town and I knew I wanted to have her be in the experience as much as possible.  So when I found out that she would be in town for a few days I quickly scheduled an appointment with David's Bridal and thought to myself "Eh, what the heck.  It'll be a quick trip and I can at least try on some dresses and get a feel for what I like and I can buy in a few months".

How wrong I was!

Salise came with me to my appointment along with my Aunt, Mom and Grammy. Salise and I got there a little early so I decided we should check out some bridesmaids dresses for the heck of it.  I didn't have a clue what I would want except that it should be short.  Our awesome consultant offered us some more of her time so that Salise could try on a few dresses along side myself in the gowns.  It was so sweet of her and really made me think about my choices.

The more racks we searched the more I knew.  I wanted the dresses to be short and black. The red they had was beautiful - but I didn't want the girls to carry white flowers because that's boring! As we looked at some options in black I was sold.  Black dresses, red flowers, red shoes, red accessories.  Simple but classy which is exactly what I'm going for with the whole wedding.

So our consultant pulled about 4 dresses for me to try on, I chose 3 for Salise and we headed off to our rooms.  Putting on that first dress was so surreal! I couldn't believe that it was actually my turn and that this was actually happening.  I totally had one of those geeky "I'm a princess!!!" moments and may or may not have jumped up and down a bit in my room.

I came out in the first dress and everyone got big smiles on their faces and gasped.  I knew it had potential!  I stepped onto the platform, looked into the mirror, and fell in love.  Every single detail was perfect. It was a ball gown, with tulle (which I thought I didn't like), and just the right amount of sparkle. I quickly tried on a few more but found myself comparing every one to the first one! Basically I walked into the store thinking it would just be a trial and walked out with my dress! Unfortunately I can't copy the picture and I'm not about to post one of me in it yet! I also got all my under things, veil and a tiara.  I walked out of that place in shock, that's for sure!!

As for the ladies, Salise tried on 3 and I liked them all.  So we made an appointment for the rest of the girls to come and try things on.  They all have a big range in body types so I wanted to find something that they would all feel comfortable in.  Right before the appointment Salise texted me with a link to a dress that I didn't even notice the first time we were there.  I didn't really like it in the picture but said I'd check it out.

Insert: Mini meltdown!!

It is SO hard to figure out what other people should wear!  I got there before all of the girls and pulled out all 4 dresses on the racks.  I walked between each dress about a million and a half times before they arrived. I was critiquing the crap out of each one and was about ready to put them all back and start from scratch!  Thankfully Salise showed up just then and helped me to calm my nerves.

Anywho...long novel shortened a bit, the 3 we had originally chosen turned out to be duds. A few of the girls have big ole T's and that eliminated 2 of them right away.  The third was a maybe but it just seemed too "blah".  So they all went back in their rooms to try on the 4th - which was the one Salise had texted to me.

They all ended up coming out of their rooms at about the same time, and I was in LOVE! It's this dress and I really wasn't in love with the material, until I saw it in person. It fit all of my girls in all the right areas big and small - and the most important part, they were all comfortable in it! SOLD!

I started this post in early December .... and then of course, life happened.  I'm in full-on wedding mode and I can't wait to talk about more details and see this all come to life! Less than 5 months away! WOW!!!!

The Girls

As we mingled with everyone at our engagement party, the questions started to fly.

"Do you know what date you're thinking about yet?"
"What about a place?"
"Who will be your maid of honor?"
"Do you want to get married in the church?"

It was SO overwhelming.  My go-to answer was "umm....no, I just got engaged 5 minutes ago I'm still trying to soak this in!"

But, being the anxious person that I am, I got to planning right away. Brian's mom used to be a wedding planner of sorts and she had already scared me to death by saying "You should get on things as soon as you can. Places book up very quickly and you want to have options to look into when you set a date!"  So, set a date I did and the planning began.

One of the first things I did was to form my side of the wedding party.  B and I talked about who we'd like to have and settled on the number. 7 Was the lucky number for both of us. That's right, our wedding party will be 16 (including the flower girl and our ring security). We just have too many darn friends and family!!

As a self admitted Pinterest addict ... I looked through probably hundreds of ideas about how to ask my girls to stand up with me at my wedding.  Everything just seemed too cheesy.  I hated the corny poems, and the little ring boxes saying things like "Now it's my turn to pop the question". Totally not me.

So I bought some simple monogrammed cards at good ole Tar-jay (kicking myself for not having pictures!) and wrote each girl a small but very personal note asking each of them to be my MOH/bridesmaid.  Without further ado - my ladies....

Salise will be my Maid of Honor.  She and I have been friends since the first day of high school. She lived with me for awhile back in those days as well.  She's been one of the few people in my life who has always told me things like they were/are.  Even if it may not be in the nicest of ways all the time, I've always appreciated her honesty. She's' been through a lot this year and it's made her an even better person inside and out.  She's going to be a great MOH!

Janean is my oldest friend.  We've known each other since our days in preschool taking naps together at  good 'ole Alphabet Junction. She married my best guy friend, Jay, a few years back and them being together has taught me so much about relationships and marriage. She is also the main reason that Brian and I are together.  She encouraged me to put myself out there and I am so so thankful that she did!!

Stephy came into our "crew" about 6 years ago. She was super quiet at first and I didn't think we'd ever have much in common. I was SO wrong. Over the years she has become one of the most patient, caring and understanding friends I've ever had. She's also about to burst with her first baby and I can't wait to squeeze that kid!!

Jess is Steph's sister and came into our group a little after Steph did.  Again, I'd never guess our friendship would turn into what it has. For many years there we were pretty out of control and we had a blast running wild together.  She was the epitome of a partner in crime and we have made a ton of memories traveling together for random concerts and also working together in the business she owns. Jess has got to be the most nonjudgemental person I've ever known and is one of the few people I can talk to about my deep dark scary secrets. She's quite a riot!

Lauren, oh, my sweet Chicky.  We had a rough start.  We've also known each other from high school but we didn't become close until the past few years.  We completely misunderstood each other and we needed some time to figure the other out.  Sad to say some super rough times brought us together, but I'm so glad that they did.  Chicky will give you the shirt off of her back if you needed it and she always goes out of the way to make sure you have everything you need.  I'm so thankful that we worked out our ridiculous drama and that she'll be up at that alter with me on the big day!!!

Jenny is Brian's sister which obviously makes her my soon to be SIL. She has been welcoming and accepting of me since day 1.  Brian is the baby so sometimes sisters can be overprotective and kind of mean to put it nicely.  That's not Jen at all.  I felt like a part of the family right away and she is an absolute blast to hang out with.

And last but not least, Valerie.  She's Brian's cousin and he debated putting her on his side instead, but I'm glad that he didn't! Val is pretty much Brian's second sister.  Just like Jenny, she was so inviting and welcoming to me when we first started dating.  She'll do anything for her family and I'm so excited to get to officially call her my cousin as well!

Oh!  I can't forget about my little munchkin Sofia! Sof is Jenny's daughter and my soon to be niece. She'll have just finished 1st grade when we get married and acts like she's 6 going on 17. She's creative, gorgeous, and has such a  big heart - especially when it comes to her baby brother Samuel.

That sums up my side of the par-tay.  Next up comes the fun details ... the dresses, the shoes, the veils, oh my!!

I'm Getting Married!

After years of swearing that I'd be the crazy cat lady - and a few more in which I was convinced that my handsome love would never pop THE question, I'm actually engaged.  And have been for about 6 months now, to be exact! I feel like I'm already forgetting the small details of our engagement (to be totally cliche) was completely magical and I don't want to keep forgetting it, nor any of the other great things that I've done to prepare thus far.

May 30th, 2012
Otherwise known as the Day of my Doom.
Also known as our 2 year anniversary.

I scheduled myself to have my wisdom teeth taken out that day which was not the smartest idea I've ever had. It was a Wednesday and Brian kept talking about celebrating our anniversary. He knows I'm a wimp when it comes to healing and pain so he kept telling me that he he hoped I'd be recovered enough by the weekend to celebrate. Needless to say, I. Was. Miserable. I was bruised, swollen, and a big fat baby. He kept taking care of me and doing whatever I needed to make me get better. Such a love!

Saturday, June 2, 2012
I was finally feeling decent enough to get out of the house. We ran some errands and stopped at Applebee's so he could eat and I could try to slurp down some soup. The entire day he was jumpy and nervous and was driving me crazy. He kept blaming it on the fact that he had just quit his job and having "nothing to do" was making him antsy.

As we got home and he started eating dinner the ants and his pants got worse. We're talking jiggly legs, pacing, and pouring himself some pretty stiff drinks.  After I commented on his behavior for the hundredth time he finally gave in.

"Fine, you already know we're celebrating our anniversary tomorrow so I'm gonna go ahead and tell you part of it now" he said. So he disappeared into the other room and came back with a card and a small wrapped package.  I knew it had to be good - Brian NEVER gets me cards.  He doesn't think he's good at picking them out which I think is nuts, but whatev.

So, I open the present and it's a 5 Hour Energy drink. Uhh really babe? How romantic! He told me to read the card which would make me understand the drink.

Que: Instant meltdown in a good way.

The card was really simple, and he started off by writing me a sweet note to tell me how much he loved me, and how much he was committed to our relationship.

He ended the note by saying that the energy drink would be needed in the morning because we were getting up at the crack of dawn to crew and go up in a hot air balloon!

AHHHHHHHH!!!! Was pretty much my reaction.  I've ALWAYS wanted to go up in a balloon and I couldn't believe he had made this dream come true!!

What made it even better? Brian's terrified of heights. He shakes like a leaf just getting on the ladder to grab something from the attic. So I knew this was going to be an anniversary to remember - he put aside that extreme fear to make one of my all time dreams come true!!!

I quickly put the ice back on my face and said a few prayers that my foundation was strong enough to cover the rest of the bruises my surgeon had kindly left on my cheeks. I was so excited!  Sleep was hard to come by that night, and I was up well before we needed to be to get ready for our celebration.

We started out at an elementary school right behind Jenny's house. Our friend Matt had arranged everything with one of his friends, and we quickly signed our lives away on waivers, and began to inflate the balloon.

The inside of our beautiful balloon, right before take off.

Before I knew it we were ready to hop in and lift off.  I was practically jumping up and down with excitement, and my poor love looked like he was about to pass out. He was holding onto the side of the balloon for dear life and our amazing pilot Sharon laughed and said "Just be careful how hard you squeeze that ... the gas line for the burner is under that padding!".  Brian looked even more terrified at that point and I just laughed!

We lifted off and I began rapidly taking pictures and taking in the sights.  It was one of the most amazing things I'd ever done and I couldn't believe it was actually happening.

It was a touch breezy, so Sharon wasn't sure how long we'd be able to stay in the air if the winds didn't change as we got higher.  I think deep down Brian was praying for a shortened flight so he wouldn't have to be up high anymore!  So within a few minutes of our lift off I felt the balloon shift a little.  I stopped taking pictures and turned around to see him trying very hard to get down onto one knee with a small black box in his hand. That's when the shock hit.

The best shot our pilot could get while trying to keep our balloon in the air and capture the moment!

To be perfectly honest ... I don't remember what he said.  I was so completely overwhelmed with the situation and with staring at the beautiful ring that I'm pretty sure that I drifted a level deeper into shock.  I know he told me how much he loved me, and again how committed he was to our relationship and he was willing to overcome the heights thing to show me - and that he wanted to spend forever with me and asked if I would marry him.  I was completely caught off guard so I just kept interrupting him saying "yes!!!" "yes!!!"

Engaged and in shock!

Annnnd then I did what any newly engaged woman would do to her brand new fiancé .... I yelled at him to get the ring back in his pocket because I was scared to take it out of the box and have it slip out of the balloon to it's poor diamond covered death. I'm sweet!

I spent the rest of the flight in complete shock and awe.  It was so beautiful out and I really couldn't believe he had planned everything ... but the surprises didn't end there!

We flew right over Jenny's house (left) seconds after he proposed!

We landed and helped pack the balloon away.

Beautiful balloon and amazing crew!

The ring didn't quite fit, so I was obsessed with getting back to the car and getting it to the jewelers so that sucker could be sparkling on my finger quicker than you can say "engaged".  But as we neared the elementary school I got another surprise as the pilot (who was know driving all of us) turned onto Jenny's street instead of continuing onto the school.  I just looked at Brian but he wouldn't say a word.  All he kept telling me was to not touch my phone because he didn't want me telling the world yet.  That should have been a clue, but I was too busy living on Could 9 to notice anything.

We rounded the corner to Jenny's house and I turned around to see tons of cars, and hear tons of clapping and cheering.

My sneaky, sneaky new fiancé had not only told his family, but had also gotten to my best friend Salise who spread the word like wild fire that he was going to pop the question.  They all got up at the crack of dawn and drove across town to meet us at Jenny's after the big moment.  I was met with hugs, cheers, and champagne (which I couldn't dang drink thanks to the bubbles and the gaping holes in my mouth.  Stupid teeth!!). Brian's family had cooked a massive breakfast and we were all together to celebrate.  It was complete bliss.

I was never the type of girl to have a "dream" proposal mapped out in my head ... but if I did, I'm almost positive it would be 100% exactly like what Brian planned out. I'm so thankful!