Weighty Issues

I've changed this blog about a million times.  I've added posts, deleted posts, started fresh and then not written at all. How annoying! I'm finally to a point where I realize that I'm writing for me, and that's what matters.  I don't have to link to a million people to try and gain an audience - and if someone stumbles upon me an likes what they read, great!  If not, I'll move it on and be just fine.

That being said, it's not new for me to talk about my weight.  It sucks.  A big fat one. I've been up and down like a roller coaster and it's just not a fun ride anymore.  I want the hell off of it!  

The fact that my wedding is less than 5 months away has come up and slapped me right in the face. It's time to face facts -  I'm fat.  I'm embarrassed by how I look in pictures, case in point:

This was taken over the holidays at a family get together.  I bought the shirt because it was layered and I thought it would hide some of my flub.  WRONG! Try again!!  Look at the chunk-a-lunk face and the rolls.  Yikes.

So of course as the new year was rung in, I knew that was my time to get with it.  I signed up for SparkPeople and started counting my calories.  I also hit the 30 Day Shred pretty damn hard and I was ROCKING it.  I was SO proud of myself ... I did 4 solid days - which doesn't seem like much - but for someone who sits on the couch with her DVR usually, it's big.

Then, it happened.

I got sick.

I went out with the girls Thursday night and killed it at the bar - meaning I ordered a salad and stuck to my Bacardi and diets. I was super proud! I went home with a sore throat but chalked it up to yelling across a table for 4 hours.  Nope.  Woke up on Friday and got smacked in the face with a nasty cold. 

I'm smart enough to know that a cold isn't the end of the world. I ate decently over the weekend, but didn't get off the couch to track my calories so I know I went over.  

It's just so....FRUSTRATING.  I wanted to get up and work out, so I changed clothes and stretched only to throw myself into a coughing fit that said "nope...not ready yet!" Lame, party of one?!

All of my friends have hopped on the healthy wagon which is awesome - but I want to be on it too!  I want this to work so badly and I'm terrified of failing.  What if I can't fit into my wedding dress?! I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and be disappointed in myself and my weight. Even as silly as it sounds to say that out loud!

Also - Brian and I want a family, big time.  I'll probably be off of the pill by the end of the summer. And I don't want to skyrocket over 200 lbs when I'm pregnant!  I want to start off our family by being healthy - not a big unhealthy mess!

I will say that I'm finally getting over the dumb cold. Yesterday I was bound and determined and I succeeded.  I went home, put on work out clothes and hopped on the elliptical.  I put on Monday's The Biggest Loser and I went to town.  Before I knew it, I had gone for 80 minutes and the episode was over! I was SUPER proud of myself!  Buuuuttt then I got off and hocked up a lung on the bedroom floor.  Fun!

Fingers are still crossed that this is a battle I WILL win!  Stay tuned for updates....

Dress Time

Growing up I would always think and dream about my wedding, but those dreams were always pretty hazy.  I didn't have a clue what my "perfect" dress would be, nor what I would want my girls to wear.  So when it came down to planning and picking things out I felt a little overwhelmed.  All the other details were pretty easy to come by - but I had my first mini meltdown when it came to picking out what my girls would wear.

Picking my colors was pretty simple.  I love pink, but a good friend had just gotten married and her wedding was pink and while it was absolutely gorgeous, it made me see that pink wasn't for me.  So after talking with Brian I decided to do red and black, with some silver accents. That gave me the start that I needed to get things going for the girls and myself.

To backtrack ... my Godmother offered to purchase my dress for me.  She lives out of town and I knew I wanted to have her be in the experience as much as possible.  So when I found out that she would be in town for a few days I quickly scheduled an appointment with David's Bridal and thought to myself "Eh, what the heck.  It'll be a quick trip and I can at least try on some dresses and get a feel for what I like and I can buy in a few months".

How wrong I was!

Salise came with me to my appointment along with my Aunt, Mom and Grammy. Salise and I got there a little early so I decided we should check out some bridesmaids dresses for the heck of it.  I didn't have a clue what I would want except that it should be short.  Our awesome consultant offered us some more of her time so that Salise could try on a few dresses along side myself in the gowns.  It was so sweet of her and really made me think about my choices.

The more racks we searched the more I knew.  I wanted the dresses to be short and black. The red they had was beautiful - but I didn't want the girls to carry white flowers because that's boring! As we looked at some options in black I was sold.  Black dresses, red flowers, red shoes, red accessories.  Simple but classy which is exactly what I'm going for with the whole wedding.

So our consultant pulled about 4 dresses for me to try on, I chose 3 for Salise and we headed off to our rooms.  Putting on that first dress was so surreal! I couldn't believe that it was actually my turn and that this was actually happening.  I totally had one of those geeky "I'm a princess!!!" moments and may or may not have jumped up and down a bit in my room.

I came out in the first dress and everyone got big smiles on their faces and gasped.  I knew it had potential!  I stepped onto the platform, looked into the mirror, and fell in love.  Every single detail was perfect. It was a ball gown, with tulle (which I thought I didn't like), and just the right amount of sparkle. I quickly tried on a few more but found myself comparing every one to the first one! Basically I walked into the store thinking it would just be a trial and walked out with my dress! Unfortunately I can't copy the picture and I'm not about to post one of me in it yet! I also got all my under things, veil and a tiara.  I walked out of that place in shock, that's for sure!!

As for the ladies, Salise tried on 3 and I liked them all.  So we made an appointment for the rest of the girls to come and try things on.  They all have a big range in body types so I wanted to find something that they would all feel comfortable in.  Right before the appointment Salise texted me with a link to a dress that I didn't even notice the first time we were there.  I didn't really like it in the picture but said I'd check it out.

Insert: Mini meltdown!!

It is SO hard to figure out what other people should wear!  I got there before all of the girls and pulled out all 4 dresses on the racks.  I walked between each dress about a million and a half times before they arrived. I was critiquing the crap out of each one and was about ready to put them all back and start from scratch!  Thankfully Salise showed up just then and helped me to calm my nerves.

Anywho...long novel shortened a bit, the 3 we had originally chosen turned out to be duds. A few of the girls have big ole T's and that eliminated 2 of them right away.  The third was a maybe but it just seemed too "blah".  So they all went back in their rooms to try on the 4th - which was the one Salise had texted to me.

They all ended up coming out of their rooms at about the same time, and I was in LOVE! It's this dress and I really wasn't in love with the material, until I saw it in person. It fit all of my girls in all the right areas big and small - and the most important part, they were all comfortable in it! SOLD!

I started this post in early December .... and then of course, life happened.  I'm in full-on wedding mode and I can't wait to talk about more details and see this all come to life! Less than 5 months away! WOW!!!!