Instant Gratification

This weekend I learned something about myself. It's only taken me 29 years - but the realization hit me smack in the dome.

I am a person who craves, and almost needs instant gratification in life.

I haven't decided if it's a good or a bad thing yet, but patience is definitely not my strong suit.

As the light bulb went off in the car, Brian looked at me like I was nuts and said "uhhh....yeah! You're just now figuring this out?"  Oops.

Exhibit A:

We are in the middle of selling our house.  It's taking for-ev-er (Sandlot style).  Really, it's only been 4 months so far, and we put it on the market in the slow season hoping for the best.  So I guess it's a short version of forever.

Each and every time we get a call that someone wants to see it, my heart skips a few little beats and I think to myself: this is it!  They'll love our house like we do and we'll have an offer tomorrow!  Then tomorrow comes and zip, zilch, nada.

It's driving me freaking insane.

This weekend Brian wanted to go see a house that we looked at before, but was now bragging new carpets and fresh paint. As he was on the phone with our realtor he said "oh yeah, here's the addresses of a few more we want to see too."

Ahem - "we?".  I don't want to see ANY houses, let alone one we've already seen and liked the first time around.  Why?  It's frustrating as fuck.  We aren't made of money - so we can't qualify for a second loan until our current house sells. We can't even rent our current house out because we'd have to ask for less in rent than the mortgage already is and pay the difference.  Not an option.

So why in the hell would I want to start house hunting now? What happens when we find a house that I absolutely fall in love with and we can't do jack shit?! Then it sells while we're still waiting for our house to sell and we're back and square one with me being pissy and bummed out that we're stuck again.

I want our house to sell NOW.  I want to find a new house that we'll fall in love with and get NOW. This waiting crap is for the BIRDS.

Exhibit B

This wedding.  It's simple things that have made me realize that I need this instant gratification - this is just the latest one. I haven't purchased my jewelry, shoes, or some under things yet.  But I have collected most of my bridesmaids shoes from them so that I can drop them off to be dyed.

Two of my girls wear the same size as me, so I thought well I'll just try theirs on and order mine based on that.  Then, I forgot to try them on.

As I sat at work the other day I felt this weird desperate need to buy my shoes. As in I would be fully screwed if I didn't sit down and order them RIGHT THIS INSTANT!

So I hopped online, pulled up the 2 pairs I wanted and was prepared to put each one in 2 different sizes in my cart!  "I'll just return the ones that don't look good", I thought to myself.

Are you kidding me?  You can't return those suckers to the store so I'd be paying double shipping to send them back!

I somehow calmed my shoe anxiety and quickly closed the website and moved along with my day.

All of this has got me thinking - perhaps this is why I've failed at my weight loss so many times in the past few years.  I go for a few weeks at a time where the scale either doesn't move, or microscopically moves up or down and BOOM.  My frustration seeps in because I don't instantly see results.

I think - eh, oh well.  My body just doesn't want to lose the weight so it really doesn't matter what happens now.  Then I eat my body weight in pizza and cheese toast from Dion's.

Not the way to be successful!

But, doesn't the old saying go something like you can't fix it unless you know what's broken?  Maybe I just made that up? Oh well, it sounds legit.

So now - new focus.  Starting small with this weight loss stuff.  Stay on track - realize that the weight didn't come on overnight so it's not going to fall off overnight and just DEAL WITH IT!!!!

The One Where I Brag on My Man

Last week was terrible.

Awful.

It stunk.

It's all a post of it's own - but the point is that I came home from work almost every single day disheartened and all around bummed out.  The best part of that?  I only technically worked for 3 days!  It's also the cause of my lack of posts - I had NO energy to get things done!!

That's where Brian came in.  Something was a little different in him last week and whatever it was, I hope it sticks around!!

See, Brian is an all around amazing guy.  We fight like hell sometimes - but he really does treat me like a Queen. It's just that last week, my pedestal was a little bit higher than it usually is - which makes me want to brag a bit and always remember the week from hell turned awesome because of him.

By Wednesday morning I wanted to throw the alarm clock away and call in sick to work. But as any teacher knows - it was the day before Valentine's Day, we were off of school on the actual VDay, and that means that I had already promised my kids their VDay party that afternoon.  I was screwed - work here I come.

My morning started off shitty again - until around 10 when I got a call from the office that I had a delivery.

The red ones are my favorite!! 

My sweet fiance had my normal VDay flowers sent a day earlier because he knew I'd be in Parent/Teacher conferences all day Thursday and wouldn't really get to enjoy them.  I got a beautiful bouquet of red, white, and pink tulips (one of my faves!) to stare at all day long.

Thursday morning I somehow managed to turn off my alarm and woke up over an hour late.  I was in a COMPLETE panic with only 15 minutes to get ready and out the door.

Nothing says f$#&ing awesome like getting to meet with parents ALL day without having had time to shower!! YUMMY!

Again, my sweet fiance got up with me, packed my gym bag for me (although he held up a tank top and asked "is this a sports bra?" - at least I got to laugh a little!), packed my lunch, packed my school bag, AND made me breakfast. (See why I have to get up so early? I'm a procrastinator and spend most of the morning gathering my random crap to shove into the right bag!)

As I got to work and pulled out my laptop I noticed it wasn't closed all the way.  I immediately turned bitchy again thinking "juuuuust great it wasn't shut all the way and now it's probably broken from being shoved into my bag".

Wrong!

I opened it to find the cutest note ever telling me that it was all going to be ok.  Topped with one of the tulips out of my bouquet! That sneaky man of mine somehow found time to do that as I was rushing around the house like a pissed off hurricane.

Swoon!!

I came home from the gym to find the house completely spotless. When I left it looked like a tornado had gone through it!  My love had gotten off early, cleaned his heart out, gotten a low calorie dinner started for us, and there was another big pot of flowers on the dining room table for me.  

Can you tell what my favorite color is?!

He then asked what he could get for me.

Would I like a beer?  A glass of wine?  A cocktail of some kind?

Could he start a nice hot bubble bath for me?  Get me my Nook so I could catch up on my crap ass gossip magazines or finish my current book?

And did I mention that this was all less than a week after he got all 4 wisdom teeth pulled AND had a run in with dry socket?

Anyway - we had a nice dinner and a completely relaxing evening.

Friday went off without a hitch, thankfully.  I don't think I could have taken much more!  I only had to work a half day, was able to get to the gym, come home and nap before Brian and I met with my Dad and brother for dinner.  Even then he made me smile again by sneaking our server his card to pay before she even brought us the check.  I love that he thinks about my family so much and wants to do nice things for them too, even as simple as picking up a tab.

Disclaimer: I feel the need to say that obviously our relationship isn't perfect, it's far from it.  Most of the things that happened last week involved material things - and my point in writing this wasn't to display all material things - but the thoughtfulness and love behind them.  Brian is constantly doing small things for me and I appreciate each and every one of them more than he'll ever know.

It's just that last week was a small taste of hell in my world and each and every little thing he did for me helped to turn it around. I am so in love with that man!!

Turtle Pace, Superbowl, and All Things Random

It is NO. JOKE. that metabolism slows down with age.  When I first dropped the 25ish pounds a few years ago, I was 26 and it felt like the weight flew off.  I'm only 29 now, but I can definitely tell/feel the change in my body.  In January I lost a total of 7.2 pounds, and while I know that's a lot - it was still semi-frustrating to me that the pace has slowed down so much.

Before, I would be charting 2 and 3 lb losses each week.

Now, I'm lucky if I get over a pound.

I keep reminding myself that the fact that the number is lower is all that matters.  I'm thankful that it's changing at all!

My family is noticing the change too, which helps keep my head in the game.  Brian makes comments about how my pants are fitting a bit more loosely which I love.

My engagement ring is becoming a bit looser on my finger as well.  It's the small things, people!

I put myself to the test on Superbowl Sunday and I failed miserably. Jenny and Jeff (future SIL and BIL) decided to start P90X again the following day so they wanted to go down in flames.

Mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers, taquitos, 7 layer dip, chips, meatballs in green chile sauce, pot stickers, chocolate eclairs for dessert.

Oy.

I made my own cheese sticks with low fat string cheese and egg roll wrappers and although I did eat a few of those instead of the other choice - that didn't stop me from literally shoveling all the rest of the junk food into my pie hole.

No joke, it was like someone took over my body and just kept on a'shoveling. I had no willpower what so ever.

And although it was massively disappointing and I totally let myself down, I did what I did and had to get back to it.

So Monday found me counting my calories again, and my booty was on the treadmill at the gym doing my C25K.

I've already admitted to the fact that I'm a religious scale hopper.  I didn't weight myself on Monday because I knew I'd get discouraged and say "oh well!" But I did weigh myself yesterday and guess what? I had LOST WEIGHT!

Further proof to myself that if I "just keep swimming" I'll be ok in the end.

I also bit the bullet and called to schedule an alterations appointment for my wedding dress.  Right now it fits me pretty well, but that's not what I want .... I want to take that sucker in!

So knowing that there is a set date in my head where I will be fitted helps me a little bit too.  I've already told my MIL that I'll try on the dress the next time I'm at her house for dinner, which will be not this Sunday but next.  Here's to hoping it's a teensy tiny bit looser! =)))))

In other random news, Brian and I are going to get our wedding registry done tonight.  I am SO EXCITED for this part!  Hopefully our house will sell before the wedding, and we'll be able to "start fresh" with lots of new goodies for the new place!

And I also think that it's finally HIT me that the wedding is just a little over 3 months away now.  YIKES!

114 Days until I'm a Mrs.!!!!!!!