Weighty Issues

I've changed this blog about a million times.  I've added posts, deleted posts, started fresh and then not written at all. How annoying! I'm finally to a point where I realize that I'm writing for me, and that's what matters.  I don't have to link to a million people to try and gain an audience - and if someone stumbles upon me an likes what they read, great!  If not, I'll move it on and be just fine.

That being said, it's not new for me to talk about my weight.  It sucks.  A big fat one. I've been up and down like a roller coaster and it's just not a fun ride anymore.  I want the hell off of it!  

The fact that my wedding is less than 5 months away has come up and slapped me right in the face. It's time to face facts -  I'm fat.  I'm embarrassed by how I look in pictures, case in point:

This was taken over the holidays at a family get together.  I bought the shirt because it was layered and I thought it would hide some of my flub.  WRONG! Try again!!  Look at the chunk-a-lunk face and the rolls.  Yikes.

So of course as the new year was rung in, I knew that was my time to get with it.  I signed up for SparkPeople and started counting my calories.  I also hit the 30 Day Shred pretty damn hard and I was ROCKING it.  I was SO proud of myself ... I did 4 solid days - which doesn't seem like much - but for someone who sits on the couch with her DVR usually, it's big.

Then, it happened.

I got sick.

I went out with the girls Thursday night and killed it at the bar - meaning I ordered a salad and stuck to my Bacardi and diets. I was super proud! I went home with a sore throat but chalked it up to yelling across a table for 4 hours.  Nope.  Woke up on Friday and got smacked in the face with a nasty cold. 

I'm smart enough to know that a cold isn't the end of the world. I ate decently over the weekend, but didn't get off the couch to track my calories so I know I went over.  

It's just so....FRUSTRATING.  I wanted to get up and work out, so I changed clothes and stretched only to throw myself into a coughing fit that said "nope...not ready yet!" Lame, party of one?!

All of my friends have hopped on the healthy wagon which is awesome - but I want to be on it too!  I want this to work so badly and I'm terrified of failing.  What if I can't fit into my wedding dress?! I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and be disappointed in myself and my weight. Even as silly as it sounds to say that out loud!

Also - Brian and I want a family, big time.  I'll probably be off of the pill by the end of the summer. And I don't want to skyrocket over 200 lbs when I'm pregnant!  I want to start off our family by being healthy - not a big unhealthy mess!

I will say that I'm finally getting over the dumb cold. Yesterday I was bound and determined and I succeeded.  I went home, put on work out clothes and hopped on the elliptical.  I put on Monday's The Biggest Loser and I went to town.  Before I knew it, I had gone for 80 minutes and the episode was over! I was SUPER proud of myself!  Buuuuttt then I got off and hocked up a lung on the bedroom floor.  Fun!

Fingers are still crossed that this is a battle I WILL win!  Stay tuned for updates....