Instant Gratification

This weekend I learned something about myself. It's only taken me 29 years - but the realization hit me smack in the dome.

I am a person who craves, and almost needs instant gratification in life.

I haven't decided if it's a good or a bad thing yet, but patience is definitely not my strong suit.

As the light bulb went off in the car, Brian looked at me like I was nuts and said "uhhh....yeah! You're just now figuring this out?"  Oops.

Exhibit A:

We are in the middle of selling our house.  It's taking for-ev-er (Sandlot style).  Really, it's only been 4 months so far, and we put it on the market in the slow season hoping for the best.  So I guess it's a short version of forever.

Each and every time we get a call that someone wants to see it, my heart skips a few little beats and I think to myself: this is it!  They'll love our house like we do and we'll have an offer tomorrow!  Then tomorrow comes and zip, zilch, nada.

It's driving me freaking insane.

This weekend Brian wanted to go see a house that we looked at before, but was now bragging new carpets and fresh paint. As he was on the phone with our realtor he said "oh yeah, here's the addresses of a few more we want to see too."

Ahem - "we?".  I don't want to see ANY houses, let alone one we've already seen and liked the first time around.  Why?  It's frustrating as fuck.  We aren't made of money - so we can't qualify for a second loan until our current house sells. We can't even rent our current house out because we'd have to ask for less in rent than the mortgage already is and pay the difference.  Not an option.

So why in the hell would I want to start house hunting now? What happens when we find a house that I absolutely fall in love with and we can't do jack shit?! Then it sells while we're still waiting for our house to sell and we're back and square one with me being pissy and bummed out that we're stuck again.

I want our house to sell NOW.  I want to find a new house that we'll fall in love with and get NOW. This waiting crap is for the BIRDS.

Exhibit B

This wedding.  It's simple things that have made me realize that I need this instant gratification - this is just the latest one. I haven't purchased my jewelry, shoes, or some under things yet.  But I have collected most of my bridesmaids shoes from them so that I can drop them off to be dyed.

Two of my girls wear the same size as me, so I thought well I'll just try theirs on and order mine based on that.  Then, I forgot to try them on.

As I sat at work the other day I felt this weird desperate need to buy my shoes. As in I would be fully screwed if I didn't sit down and order them RIGHT THIS INSTANT!

So I hopped online, pulled up the 2 pairs I wanted and was prepared to put each one in 2 different sizes in my cart!  "I'll just return the ones that don't look good", I thought to myself.

Are you kidding me?  You can't return those suckers to the store so I'd be paying double shipping to send them back!

I somehow calmed my shoe anxiety and quickly closed the website and moved along with my day.

All of this has got me thinking - perhaps this is why I've failed at my weight loss so many times in the past few years.  I go for a few weeks at a time where the scale either doesn't move, or microscopically moves up or down and BOOM.  My frustration seeps in because I don't instantly see results.

I think - eh, oh well.  My body just doesn't want to lose the weight so it really doesn't matter what happens now.  Then I eat my body weight in pizza and cheese toast from Dion's.

Not the way to be successful!

But, doesn't the old saying go something like you can't fix it unless you know what's broken?  Maybe I just made that up? Oh well, it sounds legit.

So now - new focus.  Starting small with this weight loss stuff.  Stay on track - realize that the weight didn't come on overnight so it's not going to fall off overnight and just DEAL WITH IT!!!!