Friday, March 1, 2013

Grown Up Decisions

Life seems to be full of them lately.  Later this afternoon (Friday), Brian and I will be meeting with the bank to see about getting pre-qualified for our home loan.  We want to be ready to move when our house sells, not waiting around on some bank.

But that is only the beginning.  I've had a lot on my mind this week, especially when it comes to one particular grown up decision.

See, Brian and I have been talking about babies.  A lot.  Before, when we'd talk about it he'd always say "someday when we're completely ready."

And I'd say, "what does that mean? when are we EVER going to be completely ready? we're never ever going to be in a financial place where we can say oh yeah, we'll never need another dollar, we're good to go." Not to mention, we're not getting any younger!

He would worry about which insurance we'd use, would he make enough money alone to support us if I had to take some extra time off of work, etc, etc etc.

Trust me, I know that these are totally rational fears and things to think through.

My mentality is a bit different, though. I'm more of a "well, we've been fine so far and always found a way to work through things - we'll do the same with a baby!'

Apparently, though, he's been thinking about things a lot more recently.

We came home the other night and as we were getting ready for bed, I grabbed my pack of pills to pop my daily little anti-baby nugget. He watched me take it, and then said "Probably that should be your last pack of those, don't you think?"

I totally deer-in-the-headlights him. Usually it would be ME to say something like that, and him tell me that I don't think things through, we need to be ready, blah blah blah.

We were both tired, so we just said a few words about it and then climbed into bed.

I haven't stopped thinking about it yet.  Could this really be my last pack of birth control pills? Holy crap.  That would mean that we could potentially be parents by the end of 2013!! Holy mind blower Batman!

The thought of it gives me butterflies and makes my stomach roll at the same time.  But not in a bad way, if that makes sense.  I can't WAIT to have a family, especially with Brian.  My kids are going to be SO lucky to have him as a father. But the REALITY of the fact that it could happen SOON is just a slap in the face crazy weird awakening!

My initial thought has been that I will take my pills for one more month. That will put us one month closer to the wedding, you know, just in case.

But, recently, 2 of my friends have really struggled to get pregnant. One was false struggles, the Dr told her that they were probably infertile, then when she went to the specialist for their first appointment, it turns out they were already pregnant.

The other one is just starting the process, but hasn't really been ovulating on her own.

That's what really got me thinking.  I have been on the pill for a looonnnggggg time, and I honestly can't say that I know 100% that I will ovulate on my own without it.  You never know!!!

So, after thinking about it for most of the week, Brian and I are going to talk about it a little bit more tonight. We are going on a date to fulfill our Pre Cana requirements so it'll be a nice romantical time to talk about it. I think that making this my last pack of pills is a good idea.

Not to mention, I have my next lady dr appointment in June, so if by some chance my body doesn't do what it's supposed to do I'll have it on record by that time and we can discuss it more in depth.

GROWN UP DECISIONS!! When did I become grown up enough to make them for myself?!?!?!? Here goes nothin!!

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